Oh no, is this how my life as a parent is going to begin? I’m now 18+5 weeks according to my dates (19+3 according to the NHS but they are wrong, hah). Yesterday, I went into work and saw my colleague, K, who is a week ‘behind’ me in the Great Pregnancy Countdown. And yet, her bump is a Real Bump. It’s lovely, she looks actually pregnant as opposed to muggins here who looks sort-of-maybe-not-really-can’t-actually-tell-if-I’ve-just-eaten-a-massive-curry.
I was super envious* of K. It was made worse by the fact that she admitted to having had no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever except being ‘a little tired’.
She’s basically Doing Pregnancy a hell of a lot better than I am.
K was totally lovely and said my bump was small and perfect but, in that moment, I wanted a big I AM PREGNANT bump** and no symptoms and, basically, the complete opposite pregnancy to the one I’m actually having. It just didn’t seem FAIR. I wanted to have a proper little strop in protest and stamp my feet and maybe roll around on the floor in the way that Baby Bug is likely to do in a couple of years.
When do I start blooming? When will I feel like an earth mother, at one with nature and the world? When do I STOP feeling sick and bloated and rubbish?
Of course, the answer to all of that could very well be never. And, actually, I’m okay with that. I’ll deal with whatever; I already have. The nausea could last until I push and puke this baby out – and I’ll happily (well, I might swear) do that. But, every now and then, I want to take a moment where I get my moody face on and feel super sorry for myself.
*The other reason why I’m super envious of a proper bump is because I feel like a bit of a fraud wearing my “Baby on Board” badge on public transport. A lovely man gave me his seat on the train yesterday and I was so overwhelmed I legit nearly cried. IT WAS EMBARRASSING, I had to pretend I’d suddenly become long-sighted and shield my face with my “The Casual Vacancy” book. Thank goodness for JK Rowling.
**I am fully aware that I’m being a complete idiot and, once bump is properly here, I’ll probably whine and complain even more. Sorry.
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